So it’s currently “cuffing season” which is the unfortunatly time of year where theres lots of holidays to celebrate in the colder months and apparently the want for a relationship increases for us singletons. In an attempt to not totally fall for this trap and loneliness that has accompanied my newly single status i’ve decided to do some reflections on what i actually want in relationships and how my brain works.
There’s this thing in psychology called attachment theory. It explains how each of us works in all our relationships as a result of childhood experiences (mainly parental situations).
Our parents influence our lives in many different areas, mainly without even realising or meaning to change stuff, sometimes it can’t be helped. It’s just human nature that we are impacted by our early years (love you dad)
That being said, it does have some benefits by allowing us to learn from our upbringing and how we work, then trying to work on it as we grow up and continue to learn about ourselves to improve our life and get what we deserve out of it.
I was essentially brought up by a single parent working their hardest to provide for me and my brother, as a result of this i’m anxiously attached to everyone in my life.
I have seperation anxiety from my family which manifest itself in homesickness and guilt that I dont visit enough. I struggle to truly trust people unless i’ve known them for years (shout out to the cres crew who i’ve known since high school)
This is even more difficult in romantic relationships. I have abandonment issues and will self sabotage positive experiences by overthinking and imagining situations until i become annoyed, paranoid and upset by situations that have never even happened.
however i have been working on this!
recognising my struggle was the first step, then i did some online therapy about anxiety and really found working on my “thinking errors” to be beneficial (google this if youre more interested)
Now its not all negative!! You can work on turning your anxious attachment into a secure one as well as noticing the good qualities about being slightly needy…
I care about people a lot, im a people pleaser and a strong empath. I’ll dive head first into relationships in an attempt to appreciate any time i get with people who i enjoy spending time with.
I’ll tell people how i feel with no hesitation if i feel that strongly about it, lots of compliments. I can recognise my insecurities and jealousy ahead of time and work on my thought patterns so i dont take it out on those around me.
It’s hard work but worth it to make sure everyone around you knows how much you appreciate them.
So focus your energy on those already in your lives during the future months instead of the ideas of relationships.
“The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time“
heres a good youtube video that explains attachment theory ❤