questionable poetry

So I am not a creative person or an artist, I just occasionally try to be an average writer at best.

I have some pieces that i found that im not sure what to do with them so im gonna just shove them up here so they are out in the interweb.

So you can now witness those late night thoughts ive had for the last 4 years

2015

how it should feel

Your final goodbye to the world should not be easy
It should not be written in a letter left for someone to find
It should not be the pixels on your social media
It should not be said as the crack in your voice echoes through the empty house
It should not be a “goodnight” to your family
This is what it should be
It should tear you whole body apart
It should vibrate through your bones
It should make your heart and brain and soul ache
It should be so hard that it takes hours
it should take days, weeks, months, years
It should finally be said when you are not about to take your own life
It should not have to said because it should be the last day that it was meant to happen

2017

This is me 
This is my body
My body is me
It’s been with me as long as i’ve been alive
It’s held everything i was
It holds everything i am
It will hold everything i ever will be
I will treat her kindly and with care
As i deserve
Not with sharp words or objects
But self care and kindness
This is what little girls should be made of:
sweet not sour,
treats not tricks

2018
written to “sunk” by kat edwards

i woke up feeling like the sea
an unusual calm of emptiness lay over me
and then a sudden build up of emotions would crash down
and once one had started, the rest followed
the salt water sliding itself across my rough cheeks from where i had washed away last nights events
the thoughts overwhelmed me in waves
thoughts of person i wont ever see in the same way, a life i can’t have anymore
when i first knew you were breaking up with me
that obvious “we need to talk” text
it felt like i was drowning
there was so much panic and movement as i tried to physically get away from it
water rushing across my face
my chest got heavier while i attempted to catch a breath i didn’t have
until i crumbled and sank to the ground

partners

i liked a girl who loved so hard it scared me so i kept her safe as my best friend,
i fell in love with a boy who studied law and he taught me we don’t always have to think the same,
i adored a boy who was a dancer and he showed me how distance sometimes rips people apart.

i learnt to fall in love with myself between and after these encounters,
forgiving myself endlessly for the mistakes and overthinking that i couldn’t help. mutual partings or breakups didn’t make it any easier to lose these people as they played a part in my life for months.

but i learned to appreciate the time, adventure and experience of it all.
however i think i am cursed with a time limit that none of these relationships managed to surpass so that’s a new adventure awaiting already.

2019

falling – written to “no more bad days” by this wild life

the words want to burst out of me but i hold them tight so i can remember this feeling
instead of the awkwardness when you never say it back
but to spend time with someone i care about is worth all the money and time in the world travelling to get there
but i’m never worth it
never enough
not worth the effort or the travel
so i accept it’s ending
and it crashes like a lead balloon

i feel the floor fall from beneath my feet
and it feels like my chest is suddenly too tight to breathe
as i gasp for an explanation of something i don’t understand
something i was too naive to believe

feels like someone ripped out my heart
and all i’m left with is a hollow empty space in my life and in my bed where you should’ve been

JM /x

(if you’re curious there’s some more, slightly upsetting emo poems on my tumblr from 2014 – wordsforwinter

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