!! This is not me attacking anyones views on dating or their personal relationship I’m just having a rant and applying it my own experiences, I’m not telling you how to live your life just how I’m figuring out how to live mine !!
Before or after reading this I highly recommend you go watch Daniel Sloss’ Netflix show because the rest of this post is going to be entirely based off of what he was talking about. It’s also very funny and his dark humour made me lol quite a few times.
So the main part of the show is talking about using a metaphor to solve the question “what is the meaning of life?” clearly an easy question (!) Which I’m going to attempt to see if i can fill in for my own life.
To build up a picture of what your life should look like or your “life jigsaw.” You have to start by filling out the corner pieces first of course.
The main outside four corners are – family, friends, hobbies/interests and work.
My current picture, therefore, looks like this:
My inner family circle are my dad and brother in my hometown who I see on the weekends. My friends include all those away at uni and back home but also I do have friends at uni too as well as online friends. Hobbies/interests include films, photography, writing, listening to music, reading. And finally work is the 5 days a week I spend being a student nurse.
But the big section in the middle is still missing. In the show Sloss discusses how he spent so much of his time misunderstanding that it was for romantic relationships. That in order to be “complete” you need to be with someone. Not even the perfect someone just anyone who might fit. However no one ever would be able to because you can spend so much time in a relationship trying to fit into their jigsaw that you lose yourself. Or you’re trying to build an entirely new one together therefor giving up your own personal one. You may think that this is an entirely selfish, negative view of relationships but he does have a point. The “one” (which is a concept I do not subscribe to in any way shape or form you can definitively have more than one person that is the “love of your life”) should be someone who loves you just for who you are, the good and the bad/not so good parts. You shouldn’t have to change your hobbies or be in contact with family members less just to accommodate for a person you probably don’t even know that well. People spend so much time making their partner the focus of their life that they lose the rest of it. It’s that classic annoying thing when a friend gets into a relationship and suddenly has no time for you anymore or you see them changing into someone you don’t recognise.
Or when people are serial monogamists so have no real idea of who they are because they spend so much of their lives being the person in a relationship. We only have one life so it’s okay to be selfish about how you spend that time and who with. I’m not really gonna force myself into a relationship when i don’t really wanna be in one or don’t have someone who makes me feel like I want to be with them. Maybe my fear of commitment comes into that but it is a valid thing to be afraid of sometimes. I’d rather have no relationship than a bad relationship.
This is where Sloss explains that a relationship completing your life can sometimes be true for people but it isn’t the real picture for most people. The big section isn’t relationships or to do with a specific thing at all. It’s just happiness. You fill that main part of your life jigsaw with all the stuff that makes you happy.
So far I have a feeling my main source of happiness comes from sleep, pasta, and hair dye but maybe in the future it might include a partner, who knows. No one knows.
The main point of the show and this post, I think, is to make sure we all put less pressure on trying to find the “love of our lives” before figuring out who we are. OR you could just view each relationship or kind of relationship as a new experience and if you get happiness from your experiences then there you go!
ta da!! now the question of “what is the meaning of life?” has been solved….sort of but not really, you still have to figure it out for yourself
ttyl, Jess x